Angels, in various cultures and religions, are often depicted as benevolent celestial beings who act as intermediaries between Heaven and Earth. They are typically portrayed with wings, halos, and radiant beauty, symbolizing purity, peace, and protection. These heavenly messengers appear in numerous stories and myths, sometimes guiding humans, delivering divine messages, or protecting them in times of need. Their ethereal presence has been a source of fascination and inspiration, often representing the ultimate symbol of goodness and the transcendent.
Angel jokes playfully flutter around the edges of these celestial beings’ saintly images, bringing a light-hearted touch to their divine nature. These jokes are a way of humanizing these heavenly creatures, imagining them in everyday, humorous situations, or dealing with the quirks of life in the skies. They often involve playful scenarios or puns related to their angelic attributes, like harp-playing skills or halo-polishing duties. It’s a way of bringing a bit of heaven down to earth, finding humor in the blend of the sacred and the mundane, and proving that even angels can have a funny bone to tickle.
Hey girl, are you an angel?
Cause so was satan.
How do you turn a demon into an angel?
You scare the hell out of them.
Yo mama so white, when she made a snow angel, she was declared missing.
Did you hear about the man who was once visited by an angel but only described the measurements of a triangle to him?
He said, “It felt like a sine from God.”
Have you heard about the Angel of Death that’s not so intelligent?
The Dim Reaper.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Harold.
(Harold who?)
Hark the Harold Angels Sing!
What does an angel say at a pastry shop?
“Donut be afraid.”
What is the difference between an angel of love jumping a motorcycle through a ring of fire and a Karen?
One is a cupid stunt and the other is a….!
What did the angel say to the other angel at the party?
“Are you heaven a good time?”
During wedding preparations, a couple is killed in a car accident.
When they get to heaven, the man approaches an angel and describes the situation, asking whether they may arrange a wedding in heaven.
The angel says, “Allow me to look.”
After a few months, it returns to the couple and says, “Everything is ready, you guys can marry.”
The bride inquires, “What if we can’t get along and want to divorce? Can you arrange that as well?”
The angel roars in a rage, “It took me 4 months to find a priest in here, how many more do I need to find a lawyer do you think?”
Why do angels smell so good?
Because their scent from God.
What do angels use to make music?
Soundclouds.
There were these two statues in a park.
They depicted two lovers, always straining towards each other, but never able to touch.
One day, an angel flew down from heaven and said to these statues,
“You have been such excellent statues across many years! God has decreed that as a reward for being such good statues, you will be granted one day of life and freedom. After that, you will return to your statue form.”
Well the day came, and the statues burst into life. The lovers lept from their plinths and rushed off giggling into the nearest thicket of bushes.
The angel, overcome with curiosity, crept closer and closer, straining to hear what was happening. At first, there was just giggling and grunting, until the angel heard;
“Ok, now it’s your turn to hold the pigeon down, and it’s my turn to shit on its head.”
What do you call a nun in heaven?
If you guessed “heaven nun” or “Angel nun” you are wrong. The answer is “Nun of the above.”
What’s a fountain after an angel is removed?
A sans seraph font.
Why did Saint Joseph think that the angel who visited him was stuttering?
Because the angel told him to marry Mary.
When Jesus was resurrected, an angel escorted him to Heaven in a flying car.
As the car ascended to the skies, it suddenly stalled and fell.
One of the disciples looked up and said, “Guess he shouldn’t have driven emmanuel.”
Angel: Hey, Jesus! Some atheists are waiting for you at the gates of heaven!
Jesus: Tell them I’m not here.
Recommended: Jesus Jokes
Two angels were really sad they were out of pot. Suddenly one spotted Jesus in the distance and breathed a sigh of relief.
“Fear not,” he said to the other, “For he has resin.”
What is an angel’s favorite video game?
Halo.
Why don’t Angels use umbrellas?
Because they’re too holy.
Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip. But there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More Stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that the mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, “Where would you like to put this tree Santa?”
And that my friend, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.
What gel do priests apply?
Angel.
What weapon do angels use?
A HARPoon.
What’s a dog’s favorite Christmas carol?
Bark, The Herald Angels Sing.
This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn’t feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A massive gust of wind caught his ball, carried it an extra hundred yards, and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450-yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said “What’d you do that for?” God smiled and said, “Who’s he going to tell?”
Yo mama so ugly, an angel delivered a letter from God that said, “My bad.”
What does an angel use to light his cigarette?
A match made in heaven.
What kind of cigarettes does he have?
Holy Smokes.
What do you call someone with a lisp who murders angels and ghosts?
Ethereal killer.
Recommended: Ghost Jokes
Did you hear about the guy whose wife is an angel?
All his friends are jealous because their wives are still alive.
Why did the Italian get kicked out of heaven?
He ate too much angel hair.
Little Johnny goes to his mother and asks, “Mom did you say my baby brother is an angel?”
“Yes, he is,” said the mother.
“Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him out from the balcony?”
What is an angel’s favorite kind of tortilla chip dip?
GuacaHOLY.
What do angels serve at birthday parties in Heaven?
Angel food cake.
The angel of death appears before a lawyer and says, “Your time has come.”
The lawyer starts crying and wailing, “But I’m only forty.”
Angel of death says, “Not according to your billable hours.”
A child asks his mother, “Did you know our maid was an angel?”
Mom replied, “Why do you say that?”
The child says, “Well yesterday she was in the kitchen with both her hands in the air and she was screaming: Oh my God, I’m coming, I’m coming!”
“If dad wasn’t there to hold her waist, she would have gone straight to heaven!”
Which sharks do you find in heaven?
Angel sharks.
Why did the angel lose her job?
She had harp failure.
Women are like angels
Even if they lose their wings,
they still manage to fly.
Just on a broom.
Recommended: Witch Jokes
A guy is having a beer with his wife.
After some time, he says to her, “You are my dream, my angel, my love. I don’t know what I would do without you. I love you.”
The wife says, “Is that you talking or is it the beer?”
Husband says, “It’s me talking to the beer.”
What kind of water does an Angel like?
Holy water.
How do angels cook meals in heaven?
They put them in the Microwave on High.
What did the angel say when he picked up the phone?
“Halo!”
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, “What are you going to do now?”
God said, “I think I’m going to call it a day.”
Ladies, would you date a fallen angel who feeds off the souls of the damned?
Asking for a fiend.
An angel walks into a hardware store and says, “I’d like to buy a Christmas tree.”
The cashier asks, “Are you putting it up yourself?”
The angel replies, “Yes.”
How did Helen Keller know an angel was always watching over her?
It was Heaven-scent.
Have you got a better Angel joke? Please leave your Heaven jokes and one-liners in the comments section!
Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.
